pee-ed myself
i struggled a bit with whether or not i should share this story, but time and half a bottle of wine later, here goes:
when i was in elementary school, my mom's family all went on summer vacation to a camp-like resort upstate (NY) or somesuch locale. the compound was right on a pretty large pond, or small lake. it wasn't the type of pond/lake you could really swim in as it was kind of a huge depression carpeted deeply with lily pads and other aquatic vegetation, then filled to the brim with lakewater.
but still it was pretty idyllic, with the sunlight dappling and glimmering off the water's surface in that wondrous trippy-without-drugs way. i was romping around with the protagonists from the pear-tree incident (they'll be recurring characters in these episodes). don't recall everyone who was in the rowboat, but mike, billy and myself were definitely all onboard, and i think one more person.
yes, so the thing about a lake, and all the time it takes to row into the center of it, and start to row back to shore, it aint just sunshine, a gentle breeze, and sublimely beautiful sun dappling. there's inevitably all that water and what eventually seems like an infinite chorus of lapping wavelets.
blup, blup, tling, dling, nup, ling... toward the end, i couldn't hear anything but the low-frequency, insistent drone of my bladder muscles attempting to suppress a tsunami. the pain was also expressing itself with a red-tinge flooding the borders of my vision. (speaking of weird sensory spillovers, once while eating with the same family, i gorged myself out on many dishes, ending with lobster, and then proceeded to have this gluttony-induced headache where the throbbing actually "tasted" like lobster. weird but true.)
i valiantly held out for what seemed a geologic epoch and made it to the dock when my fortitude gave out. it was either piss my pants in front of everyone or "accidentally" capsize the boat and my fellow travelers so i could pee unnoticed. looking back, it occurs to me i could have jumped into the water solo, leaving the others safe and dry, but how would i have explained that?
when i was in elementary school, my mom's family all went on summer vacation to a camp-like resort upstate (NY) or somesuch locale. the compound was right on a pretty large pond, or small lake. it wasn't the type of pond/lake you could really swim in as it was kind of a huge depression carpeted deeply with lily pads and other aquatic vegetation, then filled to the brim with lakewater.
but still it was pretty idyllic, with the sunlight dappling and glimmering off the water's surface in that wondrous trippy-without-drugs way. i was romping around with the protagonists from the pear-tree incident (they'll be recurring characters in these episodes). don't recall everyone who was in the rowboat, but mike, billy and myself were definitely all onboard, and i think one more person.
yes, so the thing about a lake, and all the time it takes to row into the center of it, and start to row back to shore, it aint just sunshine, a gentle breeze, and sublimely beautiful sun dappling. there's inevitably all that water and what eventually seems like an infinite chorus of lapping wavelets.
blup, blup, tling, dling, nup, ling... toward the end, i couldn't hear anything but the low-frequency, insistent drone of my bladder muscles attempting to suppress a tsunami. the pain was also expressing itself with a red-tinge flooding the borders of my vision. (speaking of weird sensory spillovers, once while eating with the same family, i gorged myself out on many dishes, ending with lobster, and then proceeded to have this gluttony-induced headache where the throbbing actually "tasted" like lobster. weird but true.)
i valiantly held out for what seemed a geologic epoch and made it to the dock when my fortitude gave out. it was either piss my pants in front of everyone or "accidentally" capsize the boat and my fellow travelers so i could pee unnoticed. looking back, it occurs to me i could have jumped into the water solo, leaving the others safe and dry, but how would i have explained that?
posted by kid.wh(y) at
21:23
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